Ladies, Feminists and Women of Ill Repute

Britain is making quite a fuss over Dr. Brooke Magnanti, who recently revealed herself as the infamous Belle De Jour. Magnanti as Belle ran a blog called “Diary of a London Call-Girl” that gained her a substantial following. It became a best-selling book and later a TV series.  The BBC’s Clive James observes in this article that some critics suspected that “Belle” was actually Salman Rushdie. James himself says the following:

My own guess is that she will marry a future crowned head of Europe...There is nothing this woman can't do, and you can tell by the history of her blogging. She has been blogging since blogging was invented. Fresh out of school, she blogged about restaurants. After that, by a sequence of events that will no doubt be explained to us in due course, she blogged about autopsies.

This was such great praise that I had to see for myself what all the fuss was about. Did this woman really write like Salman Rushdie? What does a woman who “can do anything” blog about? Why was Magnanti getting such positive press while many women of better repute were received so negatively? These were among the many questions in my mind as I headed over to Magnanti’s blog.

I surfed in expecting either high-brow smut (can there be such a thing?) or perhaps some sort of progressive rant about a woman’s right to prostitute herself. Instead, I found an argument against feminists that I sympathize with. Here is an excerpt:

 

Bottom line, it takes a particular kind of self-consciously middle-class gynecentric view of the world to imagine that the only physical danger men face is in a war zone. As someone who has lived in more than a few dodgy neighbourhoods - because sponging off my parents was categorically Not An Option - and been privy to the secrets and fears of my male friends, I do not think they have it easier than we of the XX-type. Different, yes. Easy, no.

Magnanti mentions that one of her friends sustained skull fractures after being jumped in a situation that she would never have had to face, because she is a girl. She ends her blog with these cutting words:

And let us not forget that the sort of men who exercise violent dominance over women do not only do that to women. But then, it must be beastly difficult to see that from the point of view of a B.A. in Women's Studies surfing broadband in your parents' spare room. Very difficult indeed.

I don’t much like prostitution. Catching the Swine Flu is more appealing to me, and I dislike the fact that women are willing to accept payment to help men betray their wives. But in my view, feminists have done more to hurt the relationship between men and women than prostitutes have.  

Feminists teach women to rail against men who advance more quickly than they do in the workplace. Women are taught to discard men who do not treat them exactly the way they want to be treated. Men must not only work to support their families, but they must also pamper women with flowers and chocolate and perform every handy-man service a woman desires. If they don’t do it, they’re jerks.

Empowered women have spoiled day to day activities too, by suing men for complimenting them and screaming at men who try to pay them respect by opening the door for them. One New York woman screamed at my brother for doing her that favor when he travelled to the state for a college debate tournament. If women treat men so badly for being respectful, how can we expect them to be anything but disrespectful?

These days, women who might have enjoyed receiving compliments from male co-workers often don’t get them, as men who might have given them now must be careful not to provoke lawsuits. It’s a pity, because women often have low self-esteem and compliments from the opposite sex might have helped with that. Maybe the knowledge that we can now, thanks to feminist crusaders, hold the door open for ourselves is supposed to make up for that loss. Thank you, feminists. What a victory for womankind!

Comparing feminists and prostitutes reminds me of the scene in Gone With The Wind, where Rhett Butler explains to Scarlett why he took Solace with the Madame Belle Watling. Here’s what he says:

 

If you had only let me, I could have loved you as gently and as tenderly as ever a man loved a woman. But I couldn’t let you know, for I knew you’d think me weak and try to use my love against me. And always—always there was Ashley. It drove me crazy. I couldn’t sit across the table from you every night, knowing you wished Ashley was sitting there in my place. And I couldn’t hold you in my arms at night and know that—well, it doesn’t matter now. I wonder, now, why it hurt. That’s what drove me to Belle. There is a certain swinish comfort in being with a woman who loves you utterly and respects you for being a fine gentleman—even if she is an illiterate whore. It soothed my vanity. You’ve never been very soothing, my dear.”

Neither have the feminists. Magnanti certainly seems to have more heart than many of them.

Comments

[KB]

This is as fine a post as ever we have had on SDP.

[Jim Meidinger]

Excellent work, Miranda.

[Miranda Flint]

Thank you both very much.

[julie]

"Feminists teach women to rail against men who advance more quickly than they do in the workplace. Women are taught to discard men who do not treat them exactly the way they want to be treated. Men must not only work to support their families, but they must also pamper women with flowers and chocolate and perform every handy-man service a woman desires. If they don’t do it, they’re jerks."

Sorry, this isn't feminism. You are mistaking feminists for garden-variety self-centered women. And you'll find that in both genders.

And I'm sorry, WHO is yelling at men who hold doors for them? Who? Not even the feminazis are doing this. Urban legend. Sure, you'll get the odd duck here and there, but that's because they are sociopathic, not feminist.

I think people are getting waaay too carried away with this "OMG the feminists are taking over the world and yelling at people who tell them they look nice and hold doors open for them EVERYONE PANIC!!!" Just calm the heck down, people.

[Miranda]

Julie:

Thank you for your comments.

It is true that there are selfish members of both genders. I am inclined to think that most people are at least somewhat selfish. But society generally (and I think rightfully) frowns on selfish behavior. Furthermore, most people have a conscience that tells them that acting selfishly is wrong. Feminists, however, try to tell women that it is their right to be selfish. They also tend to portray men negatively.

Here are some famous quotes by prominent feminists that reflect these ideas:

"Women's chains have been forged by men, not by anatomy." - Estelle R. Ramey

"I think, therefore I'm single." - Lizz Winstead

"A woman reading Playboy feels a little like a Jew reading a Nazi manual." - Gloria Steinem

Men, for these feminists, are the enemy. Steinem even compares them to nazis. This is not a mere matter of selfishness.

Sure, Steinem wants women to look out for their own interests, but she also wants them to see men as demons.

The woman who screamed at my brother in New York was probably not compelled by mere selfishness. I say this because it was really in her interest to have the door held for her. What she objected to was the idea that a man was treating her like a lady. No doubt she suspected him of viewing her as weak. It is easy to understand this if we look at it from the perspective of feminists like Erica Jong and Betty Friedan.

Jong claimed that women had been "idealized into powerlessness." Betty Friedan similarly claimed that "the feminine mystique has succeeded in burying millions of American women alive." These prominent feminists have blamed women's ills on the adoration of men. Lawsuits because of compliments make sense in this light as well. Selfishness doesn't really explain it, as compliments benefit women. They should make us feel good. But feminists have taught us that they are objectification.

Now, maybe you think of Friedan and Steinem as odd ducks. But Friedan is not just some random feminist. She was one of its leaders and a founder of NOW. Steinem, likewise, has been at the forefront of the movement.

In regard to my first paragraph, it may be true that feminists do not support every one of the things I say women have been taught to expect of men, but the efforts of feminists have greatly contributed to unrealistic and unfair demands on them.

I claim that feminists teach women to rail against men who advance more quickly than they in the workplace. I think this article from the NOW web site backs that up:

http://www.now.org/issues/economic/factsheet.html

Particularly relevant is NOW's encouragement for women to hold "un-happy hours" to voice their outrage about the wage gap.

This article (which you'll note from the address NOW considers an outrage) shows an expectation for men to do housework.
http://www.now.org/eNews/march2002/031802outrage.html

I also assert that women expect men to pamper them, while at the same time, working and performing the tasks of a handyman.

I will concede that some feminists might not like the idea of men bringing them flowers and chocolate, as that might reinforce a traditional view of women. Women's magazines, however, tell women to expect it while feminists are encouraging women to stand up for their desires. Women often combine these expectations and this is, in my view, unfair to men and damaging to relationships.

[Kate]

Didn't know anything about this, until I realized that we were talking about the blog that spawned the show that Billie Piper (Rose from DOCTOR WHO) starred in. That's all I know about this. That's it.

So I went to the blog.

Read this: http://belledejour-uk.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html#6491717697360405394

[julie]

"Feminists, however, try to tell women that it is their right to be selfish."
However you came upon this "fact," it is a matter of interpretation.

"These prominent feminists have blamed women's ills on the adoration of men."
No, that would be men's fetish-izing of women. Don't think that exists? Turn to the back of any weekly A&E paper and gloss over all the sex ads. Be a healthy young woman out on any city street in the summertime in summer clothes and try to get by without catcalls. Turn through any glossy magazine and count up all the nearly nude women whose bodies are being used to sell vodka. There is respectful adoration, and there is exploitative obsession. And there is an image of women that many men still hold today that women are playthings.

"They also tend to portray men negatively."
Well, that's also in the way you interpret things. One could say that women criticize sexism and misogyny that has been rampant in history, and the remnants of it which inarguably are still all too strong today. (see above.)

There are man-haters, there are man-haters who are feminists. And there are feminists. I think you generalize rather conveniently.

While there is no doubt that there have been confused attempts at gaining equality in the fledgling years, and while there is an equally destructive way that many women relate to men (the goldiggers, etc.) it is natural that women would react to this wearing down of their psyches by this popular image of women. It IS a man's construction--you can simplify that as man-hating all you want. Though women themselves may support it and go along with it, it has been perpetuated by those that have had the economic power to do so. All in all though, feminists made significant change, and dragging down feminists is shooting yourself in the foot. I don't think you can argue that the reason you can blog your opinions and be taken seriously today came about largely through feminism. It would make your argument more compelling to acknowledge that.

[julie]

"Lawsuits because of compliments make sense in this light as well."
Oh yes, could you provide evidence that this is an epidemic?

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