Let Me Gaze Into My Crystal Ball

Jason links to some predictions from NRO.  Let me join the game by making my own predictions for 2006.

• 2006 will have approximately 365 days.
• Anna Nicole Smith wins her Supreme Court case.  In another attempt to gain inheritance from a nearly dead rich guy, she marries Ted Kennedy's liver.  She offends the nation's sensibilities by wearing white and the couple honeymoons in a vodka bottle.
• South Dakota Governor Mike Rounds creates a scandal when he flies the state airplane to Acapulco for Spring Break.  A photo emerges showing him taking a jello shot from a co-ed's belly button.  Rounds still goes on to win re-election with 103% of the vote.  Analysts disagree as to how his Democratic opponent exceeded expectations.
• At the end of the year I am still taller than Ken Blanchard.  Prof. Blanchard must wait another year to achieve his lifelong dream: sitting at the "big kids" table at Thanksgiving. 
• The biggest news coming out of the 2006 South Dakota legislative session is the disappearance of the entire Democratic caucus.  After weeks of feverish searching it turns out they were at the Capitol the whole time. 
• In other legislative news, Sen. Bill Napoli proposes a bill eliminating public funding for education stating, "It's time for the little buggers to learn they can't live off the government teat." 
• Trying to further moderate her image, Stephanie Herseth changes her name to John Thune.  For no apparent reason, Tim Johnson changes his name to Ben Cartwright. 
• Prof. Blanchard and David Newquist decide to settle their differences the old fashioned way: stare contest.  Newquist is crushed when he finds out that Blanchard has not blinked since the third grade due to an unfortunate Crazy Glue accident.  The nickname Ken "Krazee Eyez" Blanchard ain't for nuthin'. 
• Sen. Rick Santorum finds himself in the middle of controversy when he off-handedly remarks that Barbara Boxer is "dead above the neck."  Michael Schiavo then volunteers to pull the plug on Sen. Boxer. 
• George Bush's poor diction strikes again.  In his State Of The Union address, while attempting to say "defense appropriations" he actually says, "Nancy Pelosi is a hideous bitch goddess."  Washington tongues wag as Steny Hoyer is seen nodding in agreement.
• And finally, the planet Earth creeps one year closer to being ruled by bionic monkeys.  In an attempt to make our lives easier, American scientists will create a race of robot helper monkeys.  They're half robot, half monkey.  But there is one thing scientists don't count on: the insane monkey desire for power.