Permanent Campaign

I was just interviewed by South Dakota Public Radio on the "permanent campaign."  I don't know when the story will air, but keep your ear glued to the radio for pure brilliance.  And I might be on there too.  Oh, and "ear glued to the radio" is just a figure of speech.  Don't glue any body part to anything. 

Let me sum up what I said. (DUCK!!  IRONY COMING STRAIGHT FOR YOU!!).  The permanent campaign is the product of a malevolent strategy by the anti-democratic tyrannical left, headed by the despicable Tom Daschle.  They talk about fighting for the "people" against "the powerful", championing equality, and defending against the influence of religion in politics.  You know who else believed that?  Yep. Stalin.  Stalin hated corporations, just like Democrats do.  Stalin hated bourgeois business owners, just like Democrats do.  Stalin wanted state mandated secularism.  Sound familiar?  The Bolsheviks wanted to liberate man from bourgeois fantasies such as religion and monogamy, thus the state mandated secularism and encouragement to experiment sexually.  Thus those who are strict separationists regarding church-state issues and defenders of same-sex marriage are just like Stalin.  You know what else Stalin did? Killed people.  Lots of people.  The crazy left-wingers in America are just like Stalin.  Before long those who question their orthodoxy will be sent to re-education camps in such inhospitable places as the Artic National Wildlife Refuge or Vermillion, SD.  If the Daschle Democrats get power, you can count on business owners being shot, churches being closed, and state directed terror to keep everyone else in line.  All those who reject the Liberal Democrat/Stalinist orthodoxy will be named as "counter-revolutionaries" and be tortured in South Dakota's gulag-like prison system until they admit their crimes against the people and are summarily shot.  Those drunk on the opiate of religion will be sent to the First Circle, aka psychiatric hospitals, where they will be "cured" of their illness.  Yep.  Stalin and the American left-wingers.  I can't tell the difference. 

I know what you're thinking.  "That's crackpot," you say.  "You're taking Stalin and Liberal Democrats all out of context to make simple-minded connections that are asinine.  Liberal Democrats might be wrong, but they are good people and good Americans.  You're insane!" Am I?  Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?  "That can't be!" Can't it?  Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?  I know many Americans will read what I wrote above and will find themselves nodding in agreement.  I have to go now.  The Pope is on the phone and he's going to tell me whether I should use the springy clothespins or the other kind.  (END IRONY).

Update: For the confused or uninformed:

From Seinfeld:

Jerry: Oh you're crazy.

Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?

Jerry: It's impossible.

Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?

Jerry: It can't be.

Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?

Jerry: Alright, that's enough.

From The Simpsons:

Brockman: Fire, Man's Oldest Foe.  Insatiable, remorseless, unquenchable.
Wiggum:   Hey, it's out!  [cheers]
Brockman: [brightly] Coming up next:  Which work better?  Spring clothespins
or the other kind?