The unfair and unbalanced queen of the White House press corps, Helen Thomas, has said she will kill herself if Dick Cheney runs for president. As we said when we were kids, "Is that a treat or a promise?" In similar news, I will kill myself if Joe Theisman gets the Monday Night Football gig with Al Michaels. Oh...crap. Can we get Lawrence Taylor to snap another one of Theisman's bones? Listening to Theisman call a game always reminds me of one of Troy McClure's lines: "Ha, ha, ha!! That's too funny! I can't remember when I've heard a funnier anecdote! OK, now you tell one."
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